Tag Archives: Blizzard

The Greatest Drinking Scam

15 Mar

Sometime last Spring, I decided I wanted to drink much, much less than I have through my teens and twenties. It was a culmination of things. As I get older the hangovers are getting crippling, I hated how it affected my kickboxing, I realized how much money I was dropping at bars, etc.

This had rather bad timing with the arrival of my best friend Zach in New York City. Friends since the first week of freshman year, we once got so drunk together that we took turns vomiting in the same toilet. Talk about bonding. He’s a bartender by trade and decided to move to New York after going through a rough breakup. He arrived wanting to hit the town hard. A precarious situation for me, trying to stay away from the sauce. How could I say no? Two of his cousins who I’m also close with (Brian and Jeff) live here as well, and they love to order and take shots. The worst! Even when I was going out a lot, I hated taking shots. It felt like the express train to illness and hangover. But weekend after weekend, we all go out, and they insist on shots. I protest and say no, but eventually give in.

Late in January, on the eve of the biggest snow storm of the winter, we went out to Brooklyn to celebrate Zach’s 30th birthday. I sipped on my beers and was enjoying a happy buzz. As I made my way back to the table from the bathroom, I spot Brian at the bar. I sidle up next to him, weighing whether I want another beer or not. I can see the bartender with three shot-sized glasses.

“No, Brian, no. I can’t do shots. I can’t.”
“Don’t worry about it. I got Zach whiskey, and I got us shot glasses of water.

It takes my mind a moment to wrap my head around this level of genius. While I’m catching up, Brian tells the bartender to add limes to the side of the glasses, for added panache.

“Why has no one thought of this before?!?!” He exclaims before we head back to the table. I’m known for my ick face when taking a shot. So I pulled out my best acting chops after throwing back the cool, refreshing water. I contorted my face and yelled “Poison!” Zach laughed and pointed at me, as he likes to do. Happy birthday, buddy.

We left the bar well after midnight, the blizzard starting its rage. We trudged through the empty streets, facing an onslaught of flurries. Despite the water scheme, I felt nicely buzzed, and we all laughed as we shoved handfuls of snow in each other’s faces. A pretty epic snow fight ensued. Finally in the train station, dripping from the snow melting on our coats, we all embrace in a group hug.

Genius. Genius! Water masquerading as tequila. But of course, as any true crime aficionado knows, criminals love to brag about their victories, and I got this text message when I was in Savannah.


Brian gave us away and bragged to Zach about the ploy! Alas, the Great Water Con of 2016 will have to be retired. But for one night, as are most ideas during a night out drinking, it was the best idea ever.


Storm Nemo

14 Feb

For all the media hype and fuss about how this was going to be the blizzard of the century, it was just a blizzard. I was a little nervous, because I had been rather nonchalant about Hurricane Sandy and that did kind of turn out to be a big deal. But I think the city was just better prepared for a snow storm. We’d never had a hurricane before. There have been plenty of white winters in the city. The trains ran a little bit slower, but that’s really the only think I noticed.

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This is what I saw when I left my apartment the next morning to go to work. I’ve come to like working on Saturdays. It keeps me relatively sober on a Friday night, and I get a couple of weekdays off. But sometimes, like this day, I wish I could have been frolicking in the snow with my friends.

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Oh, Upper East Side. You can be pretty sometimes.

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One of my co-workers on Saturday is kind of a con-man, always trying to get out of doing work, trying to make an extra buck. He always leaves early on both our Friday and Saturday shift, even though him and I are supposed to take turns. But I need the extra hours, so I let it happen. On this day, he once again asked me if he could leave early.
“Yeah, but I’m taking a long, fucking lunch break,” I responded. My co-workers laughed around me while he looked at me bemused. “And she’s coming with me!” I pointed at one of the other technicians who always wants me to stand up to the con-man. So we ate our lunches and headed to Central Park.

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It was perfect. We flopped in the snow, attempted to throw snowballs, admired the winter wonderland, watched kids sled down the hills.

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This is my favorite one. A beautiful park with New York City in the background. Oh, and a dude drinking a beer in the foreground. I do wish I could have joined him.