April 18, 2011

16 May

It was a rough road for me the week after I took the last picture. I was ebbing back and forth between moving to Seattle and staying in New York. I had bought the ticket to Seattle, arranged for a place to stay, even gotten my job back at the old Blue Dog. It just didn’t feel right. Sure I was lonely in New York, and I’ve missed Seattle starting the day I left the Emerald City. I’ve been non-stop telling myself that I want to go back since I’ve left. But the timing just felt all wrong. It felt like I was running away from my problems, like I was consenting defeat.

New York has amazing opportunities for a young writer, and an ambitious girl with a heart of gold. Everytime I thought about staying I got so excited about all the things that I could do. Ten minutes later I was overwhelmed with the loneliness of my situation here in the city. It was such a rough decision, and I kept bouncing back and forth. Finally, on a Saturday morning at the doctor’s office, I just decided I couldn’t do it. I simply don’t have the strength at the moment to move across the country. Everything in my heart is telling me to return to Seattle, but the timing is all wrong. I will return one day, but that day is a bit farther on down the line.

This picture is just of me dancing around my apartment. I took a number of pictures of myself, and this one turned out to be the least embarrassing of the bunch. Also, one can see my new haircut. I got it mid break-up. Literally. We were fighting. I went out and cut my hair. I came back. We broke up. I like it though.

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