May 6, 2011

This is a really sad story. Please have your tissue ready.

I had been sleeping on an air mattress for longer than I ever thought I would have to, and before that I spent over a month sleeping in the bed that the ex and I had shared for a year and a half. Needless to say, I was anxious to have a new bed.

I had the day off and was sleeping in when I heard the door buzz. I flew out off the air mattress like a kid on Christmas morning. My bed had arrived!! I signed for it and quickly went to work. I really enjoy building Ikea furniture, because it is simple, but I always feel industrious after I have constructed something new.

I spent hours putting it together, breaking only to shower, head out to buy a hammer at the hardware store and grab a cup of coffee. I had such a smile on my face the whole time, thinking “Look at me! I’m strong and independent. I am making my bed, and I can’t wait to lay in it!” Roommate Shannon came in to check on me a couple of times and marvel at my progress. Finally, the frame was complete. I asked for her help to add the bed slats on top. As we are laying them out, I realize that they are much to wide. Worried, I call Ikea. I give them my order number and everything, and then all I hear is laughter. LAUGHTER. The Ikea phone-lady was laughing at me. Between chuckles she said, “You ordered a FULL size bed frame, and a QUEEN size mattress, and QUEEN size bed slats.”

“Can I exchange?”
“No, that bed frame only comes in a full.”
“How do I return it?”
“You have to ship it back.”
“But…..I already built it!”
**********Laughter************

Long story short, I had to order another bed frame, a Queen size one. Sadly their cheapest Queen size was not nearly as cheap as the Full size which I sold on craigslist. I was so frustrated at more money down the drain and no bed to call my own. I left it there, all constructed and shit. I went out and drank about 3 Manhattans with a friend of mine. I had to drown my sorrows.