April 18, 2011

16 May

It was a rough road for me the week after I took the last picture. I was ebbing back and forth between moving to Seattle and staying in New York. I had bought the ticket to Seattle, arranged for a place to stay, even gotten my job back at the old Blue Dog. It just didn’t feel right. Sure I was lonely in New York, and I’ve missed Seattle starting the day I left the Emerald City. I’ve been non-stop telling myself that I want to go back since I’ve left. But the timing just felt all wrong. It felt like I was running away from my problems, like I was consenting defeat.

New York has amazing opportunities for a young writer, and an ambitious girl with a heart of gold. Everytime I thought about staying I got so excited about all the things that I could do. Ten minutes later I was overwhelmed with the loneliness of my situation here in the city. It was such a rough decision, and I kept bouncing back and forth. Finally, on a Saturday morning at the doctor’s office, I just decided I couldn’t do it. I simply don’t have the strength at the moment to move across the country. Everything in my heart is telling me to return to Seattle, but the timing is all wrong. I will return one day, but that day is a bit farther on down the line.

This picture is just of me dancing around my apartment. I took a number of pictures of myself, and this one turned out to be the least embarrassing of the bunch. Also, one can see my new haircut. I got it mid break-up. Literally. We were fighting. I went out and cut my hair. I came back. We broke up. I like it though.

Makeover!

14 May

I’ve been spending a lot of time on lifestyle blogs that are inspirational, exciting, and downright awesome. They are so optimistic, cheery, wonderful! Here are a couple of particularly wonderful ones that I’ve been absorbing late into the night.

Yes and Yes– This girl is fantastic.

Not That Kind of Girl– She spent a year forcing her to do things that were completely out of character. Some of the posts are hilarious, and I am so inspired by how a self-proclaimed “painfully shy” girl could do some of those things.

Carrie Bradshaw In Reality-Simply amazing and true. When watching the show recently, I was trying to do the math in my head, and I came to the same conclusions.

Then I come back home to my blog, and ugh, it just looked depressing. I am so tired of brown and puke green. I spent the last eight months of my life living in a beige, brown, green, black apartment. No more! I am revamping it all. Lavender and purple bedspread on the way! I decided my blog could use a little bit of light as well.I know the posts haven’t been frequent, but I have been really busy rocking at life. Yeah, that’s right. Rocking.

The other day I was talking to my co-worker who went through a break-up right before she moved to NYC about nine months ago. She actually said to me, “I wish I had my life together like you do.” I laughed loudly and said, “ohmygodiamsolostanddon’tknowwhati’mdoing.” Which is the honest to God truth. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, depressed and completely worthless. I feel like I’m so low that I will never pull it together. I literally feel like I have nothing, and I don’t know how to make it better. But I’m just carrying on and doing the best I can with what I have. Sometimes (like recently), I feel so energized and excited. All I can do is just surf that wave as long as I can and try to keep it going. Those waves come more frequently and last longer, but I definitely still crash on shore occasionally. But life at the moment is busy and exciting, I’m taking on writing projects, spending time with amazing people, and making big plans for myself.

April 12, 2011

9 May

I met up with some girls from Think Coffee for a Ladies Night. One of the girls there, who I had only met once before, managed to spill two beers on me. Other than that, it was good to catch up with them.

On the walk back to the subway, I was blown away by this tree. When did it become Spring?

April 11, 2011

9 May

Another slow Monday night at work when my co-worker Jess turns to me.

“Did you know we have an isolation room?”

“No.”

“It’s right behind the x-ray room. You should go check it out.”

So, I do. What’s there? Five, teeny, tiny, squirmy, meowing kittens. Between meeting my Maine Coon boyfriend Miles the month before in Boston and these adorable little things, I officially no longer fear/hate cats. I am definitely still a dog person, but cats and I have made peace with one another. These angels are known as the Long Island 5. They were abandoned under a porch, and my clinic decided to take them in. I opened up their cage, and they came tumbling out like candy from a burst pinata. They climbed all over me, meowing. I fell in love with one in particular.

The black kitten in the bottom right of the picture, her name is Oona, named after my boss who has the same disposition, often. Oona kept climbing over me in order to dive herself into the small garbage can behind me. I kept lifting her out, but she was determined. I saw her plight and somehow just immediately bonded to her.

April 10, 2011

9 May

A major to-do on my list was to visit Citi-field. For a baseball fan, my stadium list is rather sad. SafeCo Field, AT&T Park,  Oakland Coliseum, and Fenway. In returning to the West Coast, I would be losing the opportunity to see so many East Coast parks. I had to at least see Citi Field. My friend Brehnen came along, and I spent most of the time explaining the finer details of the game (including history/trivia), which I actually love doing. We also drank plenty of beer, ate sausages and enjoyed the rare creature, the day game. Citi Field reminded me so much of SafeCo. It was new and had a lot of kitschy food stands. It made me miss Seattle, and my dear Mariners. However, looking out over the field, Brehnen casually said before taking a bite of his sausage, “Man, you should just stay. It could be fun.” For the first time, I thought maybe it could.

April 9, 2011

9 May

I went out for drinks with my friend Kayla. She wanted to go to one of the places that I had on my New York City Musts List. I suggested White Horse Tavern which is most famous for the spot where Dylan Thomas was drinking right before he went home and died. Kayla is an amazing person to vent to. I hadn’t seen her in weeks, and I just unloaded everything on her. She was the first of my New York friends who I felt truly comfortable opening up to. It was much needed therapy, and she seemed very excited to be my therapist. The trains were running slow, so when we got to Union Square, we decided to walk the rest of the way and enjoy the cool weather. Once we approached the bar, my heart sunk, and I stopped mid-stride.

“I’ve already been here!” I exclaimed. Turns out I had gone there with a bunch of finance people who failed to mention that this was the haunt of not only Dylan Thomas, but Bob Dylan, Ezra Pound, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, and Hunter S. Thompson! The experience was a bit cheapened by the fact that I’d been there with people with no respect for literary legends!!! (See December 17, for any that are curious) I was also disappointed in myself that I didn’t notice all the Dylan Thomas things on the walls!

I hope all those exclamation points establish the shock I felt as I sat drinking in that bar. It was a fun night with Kayla nonetheless.

April 8, 2011

9 May

This is the epic tale of how I met Tina Fey. The night before, I was perusing New York activities online when I came across a reading at the Union Square Barnes and Noble by the one and only Tina Fey. Apparently she had written her memoirs and dubbed them “Bossypants.” I immediately threw my coat on and headed to the Barnes and Noble close to my apartment. I bought the book and ran home with an excitement the likes I have not experienced since I bought the final Harry Potter book at the midnight release. NERD.

Anyways, I stayed up way past my bedtime, we’re talking 3 or 4 in the morning, reading the book and laughing hysterically. It was the exact book I needed to read just then. She is my hero and inspires me to keep working at what I love. The next day I headed down to the book release an hour early, figuring that would afford me plenty of time. As soon as I walk in the door, though, I am greeted by employees telling me that it is sold out, and there is no chance for me to get my book signed. I was meeting an old friend from Seattle in that neighborhood in a couple of hours, so I had nothing else to do, but just queue up behind many other hopefuls. I patiently stood in the line, reading the remainder of the book, enjoying myself to be honest. It felt like boot camp. The employees kept getting in everyone’s face saying that there was no way we were going to get our books signed, that we should give up. Many people in the line ahead of me did just that.

Not I.

Like I said, I was enjoying myself, and I felt like I deserved this. If Tina Fey knew what I’d been through, she would be more than happy to sign my book and probably even give me a hug. I am confident in this. Finally, they let some of us upstairs to the actual floor where Tina Fey was. I couldn’t see her, but I could see Grizz and Frank from “30 Rock.” I was so excited. It was going to happen after hours of waiting in line. My old friend, Eric, called me, and I told him my dilemma. He was supremely understanding and encouraging. He offered to come wait with me, but I told him that it was not easy to get as far as I had gotten. So he waited on a lower level of Barnes and Noble while I patiently waited to meet Tina. It wasn’t as glorious as I had imagined. I had hoped that I would be witty, and she would naturally fall in love with my charm, take me home, bake me a pie, hire me, and become my bestest friend EVER! Does that make me creepy, or does it just make me a really good fan?

As I got closer, I could hear other people trying to be witty and failing. I saw some give her gifts, which she accepted graciously, but with extreme hesitation. By the time I got my book signed, she looked exhausted. After all, she had agreed to sign an additional 100 or so books. I figured she’d heard it all before, so I just said, “Thank you so much.” She smiled at me, and I decided that it would be way cooler to sweep her off her feet with my charm when I run into her in the near future at a bakery or something. It’ll happen!

April 7, 2011

4 May

This is the window to some sort of shop-front by the Upper East Side apartment. Although, I lived in that area for nearly nine months, I never figured out what that space was for, or what the window meant. I felt it was appropriate to document it for future review. One day, it’ll all make sense.

April 6, 2011

4 May

This is your heart. This is your heart in New York. Any questions?

April 5, 2011

4 May

At this point in time, I started a list of things I wanted to do in New York before I left. Of course, the one that went straight to the top was food-related. I wanted to eat at Lombardi’s in Little Italy which is know as America’s first pizzeria. I got a pizza with pepperoni and spinach. It was fantastic!!! I also loved the atmosphere. The tile floors, the checkered table cloths. Although it is technically a touristy thing to do, it still felt authentically New York somehow.